Thursday, May 4, 2017

ONE WORD: PLASTIC!

When we were in Florida, I noticed a definite uptick in the number of  advertisements for plastic surgery. Soon, the constant drone about cold sculpting and life lifts and sucking the fat out of chins sent me to a mirror to ponder. Though at least one of my chins could do with a little de-fatting, it was the cheek implants that interested me the most. I've never had much in the way of cheek bones, so how fun would it be to finally have batwings on either side of my nose?  Maybe some lip filler and botox to add the extra oomph (or lack thereof, in the case of frozen foreheads.) In fact, why not go for the whole she bangs-she bangs and get the tummy tucked, the butt tightened and the ta-tas tremenda-sized?


Thursday, March 30, 2017

SNOWBIRD MONOLOGS: PART IV

The hard part about snowbirding is that, at some point, you lose your wings and have no choice but to head home. We've been molting our feathers for the last few days, so will be making the tedious drive up I-75 on Friday morning. Fast food, prolonged games of solitaire on the iPhone, and plenty of back-seat driving will be involved.
"Yes, officer! He was speeding. I've been telling him to slow down for the last hour and a half! Plus, if he'd listened to me, we wouldn't have got stuck in that traffic on the bridge. After you give him his ticket, would you be a dear and give us a police escort to the nearest service plaza? I've been telling him to stop so I could use the ladies for the last 30 minutes, but NOOOOO...."

"Please, take me to jail. Please?"


Monday, March 20, 2017

SNOWBIRD MONOLOGUES: PART III


One thing I'm learning about Snowbirds is that they are very social creatures. Therefore, it's important to know the proper etiquette required in order to fully participate in your local Snowbird Community. Hint: Alcohol is involved.


Sunday, March 5, 2017

THE SNOWBIRD MONOLOGUES: PART II



The number one rule of Snowbirding is "Never talk about Snowbirding." However, that rule was created by a committee of people who still drink Harvey Wallbangers, so I refuse to be intimidated. As we have been at this new gig for over two months, I feel perfectly qualified to share my expertise. So, listen up future Winter Warriors! For my first lesson, let's start with the age-old question, "What should I pack?"


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Watching the Jack-In-the-Box dogs in this gif is like popping bubble wrap. You just can't stop. Am I right?

Tuesday, February 14, 2017

BOOK 'EM DIVA: LUNA RISING EARLY REVIEW TOUR



I'm very excited to review Selene Castrovilla's new novel, Luna Rising. The award-winning author has published children's books and young adult novels, so I knew the writing  for her first venture into women's fiction would be sound. I was not disappointed.  Plus, don't you just love the title? That's what lured me in.
You had me at Luna!

Friday, February 3, 2017

SHE COULD NOT STOP FOR DEATH:* In Remembrance of Mary Dunn Brown

*apologies to Emily Dickinson
Mary Dunn Brown: 1/27/1958-1/26/2017
My grandparents had thirteen grandchildren, but only ten of us remain on this earth. We lost my cousin Mary on January 26, 2017,  just hours before her 59th birthday. Her carriage was cancer. Her journey was swift. Mary had no use for a prolonged ride down the streets of Diagnosis, Prognosis, and Treatment. She had a life to live, patients to care for.  Death could be damned if it thought she was going to sit through that plodding trip that she, as a nurse of over 35 years, knew by heart.  Since she would not stop for death, death stopped for her in a hospital room at St. Elizabeth's in Youngstown, Ohio where she resided a little over a week, surrounded constantly by her loving family.

Friday, January 13, 2017

THE SNOWBIRD MONOLOGUES PART I

It's official. My husband and I are snowbirds. For those who are not aware, a snowbird is an individual of approximately middle-age or older who leaves the ice-capped tundra of the north to descend upon the State of Florida for the winter. We arrive in flocks, following the lead bird down I-75, stopping only for fast food, gas, and visits to the lady's and gent's.  As a unit, we all flip on our blinkers the  moment we cross under the sign that says, "Welcome to the Sunshine State!" and don't turn them off until we head back north in the spring. You will recognize us by our plumage - thick, white sneakers worn with socks (even on the beach,) colorful shirts printed with palm trees, and cardigans draped over our shoulders in restaurants because "they keep the air conditioning turned up too high!" But, before one officially becomes a snowbird, one must, as with any journey, prepare.
"I've only got four months to pack! Better get on it!"