I was actually getting excited about the idea of taking out a second-mortgage to fund my new career as my husband's trophy wife when it occurred to me that it could never happen. I need two Xanax just to get my teeth cleaned and take to my bed for a week after having a splinter removed. I'd require a medically-induced coma for a simple brow lift. Therefore, I will never reap the wonderful benefits that cosmetic surgery could provide for me. According to the ads:
1. It will boost your self-esteem! At this stage in my life, I think I'm good. In fact, I probably have enough extra self-esteem to get me through the next 20 years or so. But, I appreciate the offer to leave my face and body bloodied and bruised for six weeks in order to "feel better about myself."
2. Your spouse/partner will be thrilled with the New You! Spouse/Partner and I have been married for almost 34 years. He's "thrilled" when he doesn't find a mystery scrape on my car every few months. Let's not spoil a good thing.
3. You will be able to wear all the latest fashions! I'll pass.
|"Oh, grow up!|
5. You will look younger! Well, I can't deny this is a huge selling point. It would be nice, after all, to pass myself in a mirror at the mall and not think, "Who is that old lady? She looks familiar. Except she's put on weight." At the same time, since I'm going to keep aging, (here's hoping!) maybe it would be better to just accept it.
Life is short, even if you live 100 years. So, while we are here, we might as well take charge of the things that we can. I support any woman or man who wants to give aging the middle finger by having a little work done. But, do it for you and you alone. I promise I won't be jealous, unless it gets you invited on George Clooney's yacht.