 |
| Chapter 1: A Diva Is Born |
January, 2025
Dear Diary: It is the coldest January in years. So cold, that I have been buried under my weighted blanket with the fireplace screen-saver playing non-stop on my smart TV. Fortunately, I have found an adult cocktail useful for warding off hypothermia - The Rumplesnuggler. It sounds appropriately naughty and is guaranteed to thaw out even the frostiest of snowmen. I did crawl out of my cozy winter den long enough to view the inauguration of the President of the United States, but that was purely for the fashion tips.
 |
| La Hat *Credit to SouthPark |
February, 2025
Beloved Diary: It is the month of love! What would Valentines Day be without a bit of poetry? I submit, for your reading pleasure: "Roses are red, violets are blue, Elon's DOGE is a disaster and Bobby, Jr. is, too." Also, I so happen to have the perfect drink to get me horizontal. (By horizontal, I mean down for a long winter's nap. Get your mind out of the gutter.) Enjoy A Pink Squirrel if you want to get a little nutty!
 |
| Who needs pink elephants when pink squirrels will do? |
March, 2025
Top of the mornin' to ya, diary: Tis the time for the wearing of the green and the luck of the Irish! It's also the time to participate in that ole' Irish chant: "Aye and begorrah! Tarriff talk is a horror!" No blarney detected. No blarney detected in this tasty drink, either. For the drinking' o' the green, you'll want to sip on a Grasshopper. 'Tis the season to fiddle, after all.
 |
| Slainte, ye grasshopper guzzlers! |
April, 2025
Bless me, Diary: My Catholic guilt weighs heavy for I did not keep this year's Lenten promise to give up my reality TV. The result? Pope Francis died! Well, it was either my fault or the fact that the VP visited him the night before his untimely demise. Either way, I will drink of this cup of Dead Rabbit as an Easter offering. (It's really good with those chocolate Easter eggs, BTW.)
 |
| "Both the Pope and the rabbit died. Surely, it all points to a virgin birth, Father." |
May, 2025
Yo Diary: We got a new Pope. He's from Chicago and going by Leo, so I think there might be some opportunities to buy a favor with the Big Man Upstairs. To help sweeten the deal, I'll offer up this cocktail, the Golden Cadillac. BTW, it also goes well with Mother's Day feasts. What mother doesn't want to brag that they got a Cadillac from their child?
 |
| What's not to love? It puts the Pope Mobile to shame! |
June 2025
School's out for summer, Diary: No more smoking in the boys room or being hot for teacher. Instead, you get to be hot in your own backyard due to a record-breaking heat wave this June. Nevertheless, let the learning continue. For that, I recommend this drink - Tequila Mockingbird. You can have an entire discussion about a literary classic while sipping one (or two) of these by the pool.
 |
| It's so hot, wealthy people are having their servants fry eggs on a sidewalk. (The rest of us can't afford eggs - or servants, for that matter.) |
July 2025
Yankee Doodle Diary: Hurray for the red, white and blue! As we celebrate the rocket's red glare, we also raise a glass of Water Melon Margarita to honor those we lost this month - Malcolm-Jamal Warner, Ozzie Osborne, Chuck Mangione, and Connie Francis. Fortunately, Cher, Carol Burnett and Dick Van Dyke are still with us in the land of the free and the home of the brave.
 |
| Protect at all costs! |
August 2025
Get to class, Diary: Children return to school as early as mid-August, this year, because why should they have any fun? This Painkiller is offered up to the teachers who have to work in classrooms lacking air-conditioning and filled with drowsy children still on Summer-time.
 |
| “Labor Day. All we ask is that we don’t start until after Labor Day!” |
September 2025
Speak Your Mind, Diary: The horrific assassination of a popular podcaster and the suspension of talk show host has Americans crying for the right to freedom of speech without fear of death or severe punishment. I'll drink to that. Join me with an Espresso Martini which is appropriate as I always mispronounce it "expresso."
 |
| Freedom of expresso! |
October 2025
Shut It All Down, Diary: The government shuttered its doors, which is scary enough for all who rely on it. To top it off, it's spooky season. That means it's the time of year when no mere mortal can resist the cocktail called the Thriller.
 |
| Hee! Hee! |
November 2025
Release the Files, Diary: To Epstein or not to Epstein, that is the question. The answer was yes according to Congress. Though not a typical Thanksgiving drink, might I suggest a Frozen Pina Colada for the family gathering? For one thing, it is very island-ish, if you get my drift. Also, I believe hell will be frozen over before we get any facts from those files. Just enjoy your turkey day and get on with it.
 |
| Pardon me! I'm not on "The List." |
December 2025
Holly Jolly Diary: It is the month when many in the nation celebrate the holiday of Christmas. Some do it by exchanging gifts. Others do it by giving to charity. Many enjoy time spent with family and friends. Then, there's always that one person who celebrates by adding his name to a national monument. Quick! Enjoy this delightful holiday drink before he renames it the Donald and Jerry. Tom and Jerry
 |
| “Make snowmen great again!” |
Here's to a hopeful 2026 for all.
This makes the year something to look forward to. However as there are two watermelon-inspired drinks back to back, I'm going to swap out July for a French 75 in honor of Bastille Day. A great list!
ReplyDelete