YOU SAY YOU WANT A RESOLUTION

I'm the type who loves to make News Year's Resolutions. I start my list at the beginning of December so I can spend an entire month enjoying my bad habits to their fullest before it's time to relinquish them. For example, the year I gave up my nightly dish of ice cream, I doubled up on the scoops right through New Year's Eve. When I decided to eat "healthy," I had potato chips and Diet Pepsi for breakfast for four weeks straight.  Some might suggest that I deliberately choose resolutions that I have no intention of fulfilling just for the purpose of being extra naughty during the holiday season. How. Dare. You.

I take my goal-setting very seriously. To prove my sincerity, I will share my 2019 resolutions with you so you can be the judge!

1. Quit downloading worthless apps to my phone meant to encourage me to reach my goals. They only work for the first week when I can have fun punching in my info, picking an avatar, and setting up unrealistic expectations. After that, they are unpleasant nags who won't give me one single moment of peace. "Hello, Diva. I see you have not entered your caffeine intake for the day."  "Reminder: Your daily weigh-in is overdue." "A message from your Credit Card: You asked us to tell you when you went over your spending limit for the month. Well, you did. And it's only Thursday."

2.  Catch up on all the Netflix shows in my queue. As far as I know, I am the only person in America who has not seen The Americans or the second season of Stranger Things. My queue is so old, Nurse Jackie is a candy-striper and most of the kids are still toddlers in Shameless.

"And I am still The President."

3. Stop taking my phone everywhere. I should not be so dependent on it! Instead, I will keep the following items in my purse: a camera, a video recorder, a calculator, a map, some hand-held games, a day-planner/address book. I will also require a  complete set of encyclopedias since I will be Google-less, as well as a CB radio should I need to summon assistance. Imagine the freedom!

Life was so much easier when we only needed to use this to call our parents for a ride and reverse the charges.

4. Wake up before the sunrise because sleep is overrated. Imagine the things I could get done if I hopped out of bed every morning at the crack of dawn rather than a few glorious, dream-filled hours later? Why, I could drink twice as much coffee while catching up on my Netflix viewing and packing my purse for the day's events. Best of all, I could go to bed at my designated middle-school bedtime of 9 p.m.

5. Cancel my subscription to People Magazine. The "Sexiest Man Alive" issue objectives men, and I really need to quit making Brad Pitt's happiness my business. Also, Megan and Kate are beginning to look eerily alike. Instead, I'll read US News and World Report, then up my anti-depressants or stock up on a supply of cyanide.

It's just that it hasn't been the same since this issue.

6. Stop racing the GPS. Why am I obsessed with beating the "estimated time of arrival?" It's not a competition! Or....is it?

                                      

7. Stop replying to the President's tweets. As cognizant as I am that he could really use my critical input, it's time to step aside and let him make his own mistakes.

                                     

8. Write more blog posts in 2019! In fact, I'm going to see if there's an app I can download to my phone to help me reach this goal!

In the meantime, I wish a new year of peace and contentment to all who read here!