A VERY DIVA DICTIONARY

It's true that every generation invents their own slang to use to both confuse their parents and feel cool about themselves. I'm old enough to remember when keen became neato which became boss which became groovy which became cool. "Whatever" went from being a useful pronoun and adjective to a sign of disdain or indifference. And, do not get me started on the youngsters and their urban dictionaries and emojis.  (Why so rude to the eggplant, kids?) These days, the real challenge for us AARPers is to interpret the words used for modern-day technology. 

Particularly since they make no sense.  

...meme and zoom.

 In the past, inventions came with terms that could be associated with the products. Back when the cave person discovered fire, I'm sure they gave it an appropriate "Ugg" that translated to "Super hot thing that will keep us warm, allow us to cook our food, frighten away predators." Consider the plow, the steam engine, the automobile, the telephone. The names, themselves,  tell us the use of each of these technologies. We could even shorten some of them. Electronic mail became Email, personal computers became PCs,  weblog became Blog, while the video counterpart became Vlog.  Also, SMS messages became "texts" because ... I have absolutely no idea. The point is, we named things the way the Good Lord intended - sensibly!

This is called "Orange Juice" because it is orange.

Sadly, the young people of today can't seem to come up with fresh monikers for their shiny new things, so they blatantly steal expressions from their elders. This can be frustrating when a term once held a very specific  meaning that is no way related to the modern significance. That's why I felt the need to assemble a dictionary of  Nouns That Once Made Sense that have been brutally co-opted by the internet generations.

Class is in session!

Tik-Tok - The sound Grandfather Clock made on Captain Kangaroo.

Twitter -  the excitement generated from anticipation. i.e. The girls on Petticoat Junction were all a-twitter when they heard the boys from Big City U were coming to town.

Disk - something you could herniate.

Google - The last name of a guy called Barney.  

Followers -  kittens and puppies you brought home but weren't allowed to keep.

Likes -  a question on a dating application in the 70's that could be answered, "Pina coladas, getting lost in the rain, champagne."  

Fake News - The weeklies in the racks at the grocery store check out.

Viral - Those bugs that went around elementary schools so fast that the janitor was required to put in a triple order for saw dust.

Karen - Carpenter the songstress? Valentine from Room 222? The eponymous main character of a novel about a little girl with cerebral palsy?

Selfie - the thing that would make you go blind or grow hair on your palms.

Web Sites - creepy corners in old, spider-filled houses

4Chan - what the gypsy told you after she stared into her crystal ball

Amazon - Women who rule their own planet and turn every man who dares to invade their space into a prisoner of war!! (Oh...and a rain forest and a river.) 

Please study this word list and use each one in a sentence based on the definitions provided. Do this on your tablet,

your desktop,


 

or your notebook.

Also, don't forget to like and share this post with friends and followers, so it gets lots of views and I can achieve my cyber-life dream of being an influencer! Happy emoji, everyone!