MAYBE IT'S MAYBELLINE

You have probably heard that the stunningly beautiful actress, Pamela Anderson, has decided to forego wearing makeup in public. In fact, you'd have to be buried under a rock to have missed this tiresome image-rehabilitation campaign. It did remind me, however, that as a diva of a certain age, I have a complicated relationship with Big Cosmetic. It began in my youth as a newly-minted teenager and continues, today, as a wisened elder. 

Spoiler alert: I do not look like this with or without makeup

My mother did not allow me to wear makeup until I was in high school. Since we were also forbidden to do so at the Catholic school I attended, this did not inconvenience me. Besides, I was not a social belle in those days so was not invited to the parties where the more sophisticated 13-year-olds were honing their face-painting skills. While they were becoming adept in the art of applying heavy eyeliner, blue eyeshadow, and white highlighter, I was memorizing the lyrics to my Partridge Family album. This meant that when I finally came of age, I was woefully unprepared. 

A little early training never hurts! 

My early "look" consisted of my mother's foundation that I stole from her personal drawer in our bathroom. Never mind that it was two shades too dark. While Mom's color was Peaches and Cream Ivory, mine was Tuberculosis Pale. After I had caked on enough to cause the circumference of my face to grow a good two inches, I was left with a very dramatic line of demarcation between my face and neck. Add a clumping of mascara and two slashes of rouge on each cheek, along with half a roll of toilet paper stuffed in the bra, and I was quite the siren! 

By the time I hit my college years, I was a little more adept at choosing and applying the right color palette. The important issue in those days was removing the product that we'd spackled on our faces each morning before retiring to our dorm room for the night. After all, our precious twenty-year-old skin was at risk.  Should we neglect to slather off the paint with our Ponds Cold Cream or Sea Breeze, fine crow lines and lip wrinkles would appear overnight. 

“This will prevent me from getting wrinkles at age 25!”

That routine disappeared in my adult years when it was far more important to never be seen without makeup. By the time we were in our 30's, we were convinced that without the products purchased at the Clinque Counter, we resembled the granny apple dolls sold at county fairs. We wore our makeup to bed to avoid a public expose should there be a house fire or medical emergency. While it saved money on make-up removal products, laundering those mascara streaked pillow cases grew tiresome. 

“I’m so glad I wear my makeup overnight so I look stunning each morning.”

Sometime in my 50's, I and many others began to wonder why we were still spending all that money and time on faces that had obviously become invisible to the general public. While it's very clever of Pam Anderson to garner attention from doing exactly what the majority of us were doing 15 years ago, it belabors the point. Stepping away from make-up is considered an act of bravery and defiance if you are a an aging sex symbol with surgically-enhanced features and Botox-induced wrinkle-free skin. If you are a regular 57-year-old just trying to find a bra that doesn't make you look like you've grown a uni-boob, absolutely no one cares. This should be good news, right? 

No need for makeup when they don’t see me, anyway.

Well, it's not. When I turned 60, my husband and I were vacationing in the Sunshine State, called such because that sun is UNFORGIVING. Not only can it burn you to a crisp if you forego the sunscreen, but it is so bright that it reveals every single line and discoloration. While driving down the highway on a particularly cloudless day, I happened to check the visor mirror to make sure my invisible face wasn't carrying any spinach in my teeth. Much to my horror, I was greeted by a corpse! My gray-blue skin tone, matched with dark bags under the eyes and a plethora of wrinkles where I didn't even know I had skin, sent me into a paroxysm of horror. "You let me go out in public like this?" I demanded of my spouse. He, not knowing what in the world I was talking about, replied, "Um....yes?" That did it.

“Maybe a touch of mascara?”

It was time to return to the days of "putting on my face." I found some lovely cosmetics for divas of a certain age and went to town. "All right!" I exclaimed as I peered through my bifocals to observe the way the powdery tone complimented my jowls. "Looking good!" I shouted as I painted on new eyebrows to replace the ones gone missing. "You go, girl!" I yelled as I finally located my thinning lips and tried to make them appear larger with a swatch or two of lipstick. When I stood back to look at the end result, I knew I was ready for my closeup!

The truth is, make-up is a personal choice, and not a requirement for either beauty or confidence. But, if it feels good, put it on! As for our former Baywatch Beauty, I wish her well. However, I will not be surprised to find hundreds of YouTube videos popping up teaching us which cosmetics to replicate the Clean-Face Pam vibe. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if Miss Anderson, herself, jumps on the trend.