SOCIALITE

 

As a diva of a certain age, I find that social media has become more complicated over the last decade. It started out as a simple concept - you created a profile on a platform, then used it to stay in touch with family and friends. But, before we knew it, those spaces became places to argue about everything from politics to religion to the color of a certain dress. As time went on, we had cancel culture, billionaire battles, and algorithms gone wild. All this on-line activity began to interfere with my cocktail hour. That is why I decided to start my own social network for divas and divos who fall into a particular age demographic. It shall be called Boomer Space and will be a 60+ community open to everyone who agrees the dress is gold and white.

Naturally, to maintain decorum, there will be guidelines.  I have, therefore, established an HOA (How One Acts) Committee to see to it that our space has a pleasing aesthetic and a welcoming tone. To that end, it might be helpful for all members to check on the meaning of various emojis before adding them to the conversation. For example the egg plant emoji does not belong in a recipe thread. Below are the Boomer Space rules and regulations. 

1. Profile: In this modern era of con artists and identity thieves, it is necessary to refrain from using your own name as your user name.  We at BS encourage you to come up with a clever handle rather than something as mundane as Nana_2_Four or Fisherman_1956. Are you a reader who likes to crochet? By_Hook_Or_Book would be perfect.  Wine drinker who enjoys old movies? Flixaholic is a nice choice! Once you find just the right user name for you, it's time to choose a profile picture.  Old Glamour Shots from the 80's are not only welcome, but encouraged. After all, we want our fellow BSers to see us at our very best, which was about 40 years ago.

Or maybe use AI …

2. Posting: In an attempt to keep us from rambling and let someone else get a word in, each post (called Boom-Booms) will be limited to 365 characters. This is certainly enough to include proper punctuation as well as a mandatory signature.  Be respectful, but do not be afraid to pick a fight. After all, the more bickering that goes on at my site, the better for me! $$$$

Keep it coming! 

3. Topics: This is where you can meet new friends who enjoy the same activities as you! Simply do a search by using the pound symbol (#) to seek out newsy threads such as  #PickleballIsLife or #AllMyCruises. Need to vent? Head on over to #WaitTimeAtTheDoctor'sOffice or #MyAdultKidsNeverCall. Worried about the state of the world? Check out #BackInMyDay or #HellInAHandbasket. For the politically-minded, we've got both sides covered with #ReaganBelongsOnMtRushmore and #BillClintonForAThirdTerm.

All our friends are here! 

4.  Romance: Though BS is not a dating site, per se, we realize that attractions might occur. All we ask is that you refrain from sliding into one another's DMs (called BMs on our site!) to send naughty pictures.  Gentleman, no one wants to see that at this point, and we probably wouldn't recognize it even if we did see it. Ladies, they're to your knees! Keep your tops on. 

“Thanks for getting naughty in the DMs!”

5. Freedom of speech: No.  Though I realize this was all the rage back in the 1700's, our forefathers did not have to deal with the profanity that permeates most social media sites today. Keep it clean, or I'll meet you with a bar of soap for a proper mouth-washing. Three bars of soap gets you placed on probation. By the fifth bar, you can gargle soap bubbles all the way over to the site formerly known as Twitter. 

7. Alcohol/drugs: Absolutely! In fact, they are encouraged. Just bring enough to share with everyone.

8.  Memes: Are we not a 60+ community? Memes are in our DNA. And please encourage others to like and share if they agree. Once again, the more you post, the better for me! $$$$

9.  Kindness: Who has the time? We're all at the stage where we're pre-planning our funerals, for Pete's sake! There's a reason we're called Grumpy Old Men and Women, so drop the occasional sweet meme, and all will be forgiven. 

10. Ads: I wish! If anyone has connections to Tom Selleck, ask him if he'll run a few of those "Reverse Mortgage" ads on the site. 

“Would I steer you wrong?” 

Once Boomer Space is up and running, you’ll receive invites at your AOL email address. Meanwhile, continue to hone your social media skills by posting pictures of your grandchildren, pets, recently purchased cruise-ship wear, and souped-up Hoverounds. See you there!