A DIVA DISSERTATION: THE IMPORTANCE OF THE HALLMARK CHRISTMAS MOVIE IN A POLITE SOCIETY

The thing about Hallmark Christmas Movies is that they are only watchable from mid-November to the New Year. If these schmaltzy cream puffs were to show up on my TV screen at any time between January  and October, I'd call Homeland Security to report a sugar bomb. But, the truth is, we need this type of zweiback-cookie programming to help us transition from boring normal life to crazy-intense-family-gathering season. There are so many reasons these serve as a buffer between those ordinary times, and the season where we are obligated to be on a jolly fix. 

WHY CAN'T WE ALL JUST GET ALONG? (Featuring Twinkles the Intern)

Hi everyone! I'm Twinkles the Intern. The Invisible Diva asked me to write this post because she is spending the day casting her vote in the 2020 election! Afterwards, she plans to await the exciting results in the She Shed behind her house. She had me stock it with enough wine, crackers, and Cheese Whiz to get her through mid-December. Meanwhile, my new boyfriend,  Norbert Donald Cided (N.D. for short), and I are going to spread Election Day cheer by gifting our friends and family with homemade red-for-Republican and blue-for Democrat bath bombs! N.D. believes this will be our way of spreading a message of bipartisan unity. "Twinkles," he said, "if people see that these bath bombs can join together to create a frothy, pleasant bathing experience, they will understand that we, too, can put aside our differences and live as one!" This is why I call N.D. Cided the "Guy From the Beatles" of our generation!

ME?

A VERY DIVA DICTIONARY

It's true that every generation invents their own slang to use to both confuse their parents and feel cool about themselves. I'm old enough to remember when keen became neato which became boss which became groovy which became cool. "Whatever" went from being a useful pronoun and adjective to a sign of disdain or indifference. And, do not get me started on the youngsters and their urban dictionaries and emojis.  (Why so rude to the eggplant, kids?) These days, the real challenge for us AARPers is to interpret the words used for modern-day technology. 

Particularly since they make no sense.  

...meme and zoom.

DANGER DIVA!

I was a nervous child, so I often obsessed over the worries I'd face once I became a free-range adult. Lest you think I was prodigious enough to be concerned about things like jobs, mortgages, taxes, or even health insurance, I was not. My world-view was shaped by Saturday-morning cartoons and black-and-white movies. Based on the information I gleaned from those two sources, I created a list of prevalent dangers I would encounter in the future. I vowed to always avoid these potential catastrophe makers. Today, I present my list to you, my dear readers, so that you, too, can practice SAFETY FIRST!

Danger, Invisible Diva!

YANKEE DOODLE DIVA

On this day, in the year of our lord COVID-19, the 4th of July is more bust than boom. As I social distance with my wine and lone sparkler, I am drawn to reminisce about the greatest 4th of Julys of them all - the ones of my childhood! These were the celebrations my family held in my hometown in eastern Ohio, a small town in the Steel Valley. Every year of my childhood, we gathered in the local park, as a clan, for the sole purpose of being together. It was the purest of celebrations because it wasn't about gifts or cards, getting the turkey in the oven at 5 a.m., or worrying over seating arrangements. In fact, it wasn't even about patriotic zealotry. For us, it was just about family.

"We are family!....

WHO IS THAT MASKED DIVA? (Featuring Twinkles the Intern)

Hi! I'm Twinkles the Intern! The Invisible Diva has asked me to write this blog post for her. She said to tell you that she's at a spiritual retreat detoxing her soul after being in quarantine for three months. My new boyfriend, Quentin "Just Call Me Q" O'Nonne, thinks she's detoxing her liver based on the number of wine bottles we found in her recycling bin.

Twinkles: Intern

PANDEMIC PLANNER

Hello, world! I report to you from The Land of Social Distancing, where time is meaningless. While it would be easy to slip back into our bad habits from college, when we stayed up playing cards until 4:00 a.m. then slept through all of our morning classes, this is an era in history when we must use our time as wisely as we use our toilet paper. For this reason, I offer you my quarantine schedule. Follow it, and you will be an efficient, multi-tasking Gallant:

Rather than a time-hoarding Goofus: