BOOMER DAYS

In the future, a youngster will ask for my assistance with a class project involving the question: What was life like when you were a little girl?  I assume the student will have the ability to  turn me into a hologram so I can appear directly in front of the classmates to regale them with delightful stories of my youth. Naturally, I'll want to be the most popular old-lady hologram in that 3rd grade class, so I will need to provide information they could never find in their history books. Since it's never too early to prepare for such a lofty goal,  I've already begun writing my presentation. Dear Class of 2053: You aren't going to believe this, but....

THE DIVAS GUIDE TO THE COLONOSCOPY

 Once you become a Diva of a Certain Age, there is one group that swarms you like paparazzi on a pop star. Much like denizens of Hollywood, we are suddenly in demand for screenings, shots, scripts, gowns, and even the occasional nude scene. Divas, we are, at long last, the darlings of the medical community!

"I'm ready for my close-up, Dr. Kildaire."

Suddenly, we are on a first name basis with our physician, the lab tech, the pharmacist, and the clerk in the "Safety Products for Seniors" section of the big box store. We get blood tests for an entire alphabet of reasons. We take blood pressure, cholesterol, diabetes, heart, hormone, blood-thinning, and bone-building medications. We line up for the flu shot, pneumonia vax, shingles vax and, now, the COVID vax. But, there is that one test - the Cecil B Demille Production of all screenings - that we avoid like a bad review.  Ladies and gentlemen, I give you....

THE COLONOSCOPY!

DEAR 2020: IT'S ME, DIVA

Well, here we are in 2021. That only took twelve months and a couple of centuries. Since there's not much else to do, I thought I would crack open my diary so we can review, as a group, the highs and lows of my life during The Year Of Living Pandemically. I've even included selfies in the event my logs enter some sort of historical archive. Do don your masks and enjoy!