PEG OF OUR HEARTS: A CHRISTMAS STORY

I considered creating a blog about my mother, one of 5.5 million Americans diagnosed with dementia. I wondered if her struggle with the disease as well as the experiences of my sisters and myself would be helpful to others in the same position. I thought it might. Then, I wondered, "Would Mom truly want to be the subject of a blog that discusses the details of her life post-diagnosis?" That answer came to me like a coconut being dropped on my head from an angry palm tree.

GRANDMOTHER SHOPPING WE GO

Now that I'm in my 60's and of age to be a grandmother (Tick-tock, Son. I'd like to be upright and still consuming solids when I become Granny Diva,) I am taking stock of all the Christmas gifts I used to buy for my own two. In those days, grandmothers were not treated as separate entities with distinct personalities and wants. Instead, their gifts were bought in pairs, one for each, from the Grandma Aisle at Montgomery Wards. These simple purchases might not have been glamorous, expensive, or particularly thoughtful. But, they did say, "Grandma, I bought you something," and that's all any Nana, Oma, or Nonna could ask for! Right? Let's peruse Granny's Gift Cabinet:

"I told you she took after your side." 

HAPPY HOLIDAYS, WAR IS OVER! (Featuring Twinkles the Intern)

Twinkles the Intern

Hi! I'm Twinkles, the Intern, and I'm the guest blogger this week.  The Invisible Diva is under the weather because she got into her holiday stash of Bailey's Irish Cream a little early and now has a case of the Blarney Flu. She wants me to report that each share of this blog post counts as a thought or prayer toward her recovery!  I did not know that God had Wifi, but the Diva assured me, "Twinkles, if God didn't love social media, then why would he create the prayer emoji?" That makes so much sense!!!

GOODBYE 50'S

Tomorrow is my 60th birthday, so it's time to say goodbye to a decade of my life that was filled with more ups and downs than any other. In ten short years, I grew older and wiser, but it came with a price. Let me fill you in on the details.

NETFLIX AND FILL

As some have noticed (thanks, Mom!) I did not blog this past summer. I took a sabbatical to engage in what the kids today like to refer to as "self care," aka: Wine. In the process, I picked up a new hobby - Wine Pairing! After careful research and experimentation, I came up with the perfect Chardonnay or Pinot to go with Netflix programming. I call this activity Netflix and Fill (Your Glass.) Indulge me, if you will,  as I share with you the perfect grape/binge combo. Cheers!

Wine glass not included with Netflix subscription.

ONE WORD: PLASTIC!

When we were in Florida, I noticed a definite uptick in the number of  advertisements for plastic surgery. Soon, the constant drone about cold sculpting and life lifts and sucking the fat out of chins sent me to a mirror to ponder. Though at least one of my chins could do with a little de-fatting, it was the cheek implants that interested me the most. I've never had much in the way of cheek bones, so how fun would it be to finally have batwings on either side of my nose?  Maybe some lip filler and botox to add the extra oomph (or lack thereof, in the case of frozen foreheads.) In fact, why not go for the whole she bangs-she bangs and get the tummy tucked, the butt tightened and the ta-tas tremenda-sized?

SNOWBIRD MONOLOGS: PART IV

The hard part about snowbirding is that, at some point, you lose your wings and have no choice but to head home. We've been molting our feathers for the last few days, so will be making the tedious drive up I-75 on Friday morning. Fast food, prolonged games of solitaire on the iPhone, and plenty of back-seat driving will be involved.

"Yes, officer! He was speeding. I've been telling him to slow down for the last hour and a half! Plus, if he'd listened to me, we wouldn't have got stuck in that traffic on the bridge. After you give him his ticket, would you be a dear and give us a police escort to the nearest service plaza? I've been telling him to stop so I could use the ladies for the last 30 minutes, but NOOOOO...."

"Please, take me to jail. Please?"