THE FUNNY PAPERS: The Week in Memes - February 18-24 Edition

This week gave us a little bit of everything. We started with some sad news about a former President,  continued with a three-day weekend, added a day of over-indulgence, then followed up with the beginning of  the most solemn season on the Christian calendar.  If that weren't enough, Madonna defended her "facial enhancement" on social media, and South Park made fun of Harry and Meghan. Phew! How did the internet respond to such a bounty of meme-worthy events? Let's see.

THE FUNNY PAPERS: The Week in Memes

There are plenty of reasons to leave the popular social media platforms, but there is one powerful reason to stay. The funniest people you've never heard of post quips and memes, gifs and tic tocs that can make even the most mundane things amusing. When life gives us lemons, leave it to the folks at Twitter to turn them into delightful twists of irony that add zest to even the dreariest culture-war cocktails. This week, there were more than enough events to keep the socials blowing up.

DOES NOT COMPUTE

On a blustery winter day in December of 1995, we Boomers slid onto The Information Highway, and the world has never been the same. Thanks to newly affordable PCs and the arrival of Windows 95, the home computer was the must-have holiday gift of the decade. The WWW changed the way we socialize, politicize, monetize, exercise and stigmatize. We use the internet to earn, learn, yearn, and churn out enough content to fill one million Libraries of Congress. It's possible that the world will end, not with a bang or a whimper, but a Tweet. That's why I am prepared for the day when a grandchild asks of me, "What was it like, GrandDiva, when the internet invaded Planet Earth?" I shall reply, "As soon as Alexa has my robo-butler fetch me a gluten-free gin and tonic, I shall tell you the tale of the beginning of the end of life as we knew it!"

RESOLVE NOT TO RESOLVE

For a diva of a certain age, coming up with a list of New Year's resolutions becomes more of a challenge with each passing decade. In part, it's because, frankly dear reader, we do not give a damn. But, it's also imperative that we use our limited time on this earth wisely. That's why I did my research and googled the Ten Most Popular NYRs, weeding out the useless and the time-wasting. I present to you my results:

Disclaimer: Not a peer-reviewed study

BOOMER DAYS

In the future, a youngster will ask for my assistance with a class project involving the question: What was life like when you were a little girl?  I assume the student will have the ability to  turn me into a hologram so I can appear directly in front of the classmates to regale them with delightful stories of my youth. Naturally, I'll want to be the most popular old-lady hologram in that 3rd grade class, so I will need to provide information they could never find in their history books. Since it's never too early to prepare for such a lofty goal,  I've already begun writing my presentation. Dear Class of 2053: You aren't going to believe this, but....

THE DIVAS GUIDE TO THE COLONOSCOPY

 Once you become a Diva of a Certain Age, there is one group that swarms you like paparazzi on a pop star. Much like denizens of Hollywood, we are suddenly in demand for screenings, shots, scripts, gowns, and even the occasional nude scene. Divas, we are, at long last, the darlings of the medical community!

"I'm ready for my close-up, Dr. Kildaire."

Suddenly, we are on a first name basis with our physician, the lab tech, the pharmacist, and the clerk in the "Safety Products for Seniors" section of the big box store. We get blood tests for an entire alphabet of reasons. We take blood pressure, cholesterol, diabetes, heart, hormone, blood-thinning, and bone-building medications. We line up for the flu shot, pneumonia vax, shingles vax and, now, the COVID vax. But, there is that one test - the Cecil B Demille Production of all screenings - that we avoid like a bad review.  Ladies and gentlemen, I give you....

THE COLONOSCOPY!

DEAR 2020: IT'S ME, DIVA

Well, here we are in 2021. That only took twelve months and a couple of centuries. Since there's not much else to do, I thought I would crack open my diary so we can review, as a group, the highs and lows of my life during The Year Of Living Pandemically. I've even included selfies in the event my logs enter some sort of historical archive. Do don your masks and enjoy!